Relapse and relax

Well, today I procrastinated harder than I have in a long time. Not a proud moment for me. And here I was thinking that putting my failures and thoughts in text would help me mull over my bad choices and change them. But sadly, it hasn't. Not really, anyway. I have been better at getting my homework done, and my workouts have been pretty consistent. Hell - I even went to school both days. But today i pretty much erased all progress by blowing off my study group claiming i had cramps (I know, such a cliché) and ditching on my best friend and our planned workout - that one I actually do feel pretty bad about.

What did I do instead you might ask. Did I clean my entire apartment? Did I do the tons of laundry I have lying around? Maybe visited my parents or siblings? Or something arty or creative like painting a picture or organizing my basement? To my embarrassment I slept and watched some tv. That is just sad. And lame. I really need to do a reality check and get my shit together!

Anyhow - tomorrow is another day and a new chance at being extraordinary.

Cheers
Soffy

Spacing out and rocking out

If there is one thing that can make me space out, it is knowledge. Make it the knowledge i acquire through homework, documentaries or class - trust that I will be the one playing on my phone, organizing my bag or stalking people on Facebook that I have absolutely no connection too. In this case, I'm updating my blog in English class. Shame on me! But the thing is, I actually do try to pay attention - I really do! But - there is always a but - I just cant find it in me to care. A sad, horrible truth. Right now I could be getting smarter and learning about vocabulary focusing on the word ambiguous (yawn) - and it will probably be included in my exam. But hell - I would rather be reading a good book or, as it is evident, update my blog. Well, you cant win every time.

Speaking of reading a good book - yup, I'm just grabbing the next thing to use as a procrastination - I have really, really, really been looking for a good book to get lost in. I read a lot of books - wouldn't be a real procrastinator if I didn't - but lately I haven't been able to find one that really get my pulse up and  worldly awareness down. I mostly like fantasy, paranormal or sci/fi - whatever to get me mentally as far away from the normal world as possible - but lately I have taken so many bad advices in the romance fiction department that I feel like I have to puke. The last one was a romance about time travel to the scottish highlands where a big bad scottish laird ravaged the mouth of a 20'th century maiden. yuck!

I wanna read a book that makes me feel like I did when i first read Harry Potter, Song of The Lioness or Lord of the Rings! Give me some god damn great books I can use to escape all of my responsibilities! 

Cheers!

 - Soffy

High Hopes Equals Lacking Results

Well... I had really high hopes for today. I had the day off, had lots of time. Hell, I even woke up early to get a head start on all the stuff I should be doing. But, well.. I went back to sleep, woke up late and sat down to watch TV. Greeeaaaat - that was not how I hoped my day would work out.

And it didn't - mostly. I got out of my funk and did the dishes, worked out and started on my homework. Watched 10 episodes of my favorite tv-show and rewatched beauty and the beast as well, but what the hell - I need to relax as well.
              Yeah, if I made a pie-chart of how much time I spent on actually doing something productive VS. how much time I spent on procrastinating, it wouldn't look too good for me. Maybe a good 15% of productiveness. If I was being generous. But well, it could have been worse.

As for being creative and acting on my inspirations, I would say that this day wasn't very productive on that part. So I took the time, as I was writing this blog post anyway, to make a small poem about procrastination - enjoy!

Not listening or feeling

Just being.

Or ignoring.

Whatever makes the panic subside

And the pleasantness of numbness

take its place

The first confession - Either you do, or you're damned.

Inspiration. And me. They do not go well together. Because unlike what most people think, motivation is really not always a given in combination with motivation. And you really, really.. really need to be motivated to act on your inspiration. Or the other way around - you need to be inspired to act on your motivation. And for some strange reason - motivation and inspiration never really go hand in hand for me, which i regret deeply.

You could argue, that you could force motivation - like when you postpone to work on an assignment until the day before it's due, and the fear and time pressure force motivates you into making haste and writing that damn thing. You don't have a choice - weather you have inspiration or not something will be written. And that is both good and bad - because I would get nothing done if I didn't have fear as a motivation factor, but at the same time; if my work isn't in some form or way inspired - it sucks. 

More often than not, I'm really inspired. I get flashes of ideas and visuals of what I want to make, but... the motivation, though present for a moment or two, just vanishes. Slowly, without a trace, it just starts to fade into oblivion. I would really love to create thing. Hell - if I'd created half of my inspired project, I would be so damn interesting. But I just can't. And that transfers like a bad decease into the rest of my life, because I can't get any motivation and fuel it with inspiration and create anything beautiful or productive. And I would really love to.

I would love to create music, or art, or dancing, or sports, or chores or something productive and beautiful. And that is why i created this blog - that started/starts of really unmotivated. I'm gonna try to force motivation, fed my by fear of being plain, boring and insignificant. 

This... is the confessions of a procrastinator. 

Cheers
Soff